Good night! Here I am, again. Sitting, reflecting, pondering the meaning of life... Well, no, not really. I do know that life is worth living and it holds much meaning for each of us, for one reason or another. But that's not what I really want to talk about anyway... To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I want to talk about- hehe. Every now and then, I am filled with the urge to start writing, or start typing or start expressing myself. The only problem is that I'm never quite sure which way is the best way to express myself. I have envisioned myself wearing the clothes, shoes and mannerisms of a diverse pool of artisans. I envision myself wearing the soft cotton khaki pants and tucked in collared linen shirt of a writer, sleeves rolled up and good, solid glasses atop the bridge of my nose. I envision myself wearing the tight blue or smoky gray jeans, a pair of Converses, and a witty T-shirt (or plain white) of a musician. Imagine myself wearing the long-sleeved flannel shirt and loose blue jeans of a person who manipulates red earth into art. There are many, many forms of art and the people that produce them are just as diverse as the forms of art that there are. Do I want to be a painter? A photographer? A designer of clothes? A graphic designer? A gardener? A culinary spectaculare? A maestro? A woodworker? A poet? I mean, there are a million different ways of expressing oneself, and I don't know which one it is, or what I could do...

Naturally, I turn to writing every now and then, perhaps because I always envisioned myself as a writer. But when I dig to the root of the reason why I have always envisioned myself as a writer, I realize that it is because I have always been a lover of words, written and not, and the worlds that they open one up to. Language is beautiful to me because of its ability to express just about everything and anything. It is a living and breathing art that also functions as essential communication between living, breathing souls. Language separates us from the beasts, and it allows us to cry out to the heavens. It allows us to grieve, to laugh, to scream in utter joy. It allows us to express anger, and to condolences to a friend. Language, words, everything is an essential part of the human experience.

::sigh:: Sometimes I like to think that I could become a great writer, other times I think I'm just fooling myself. But I am okay with either answer. Perhaps, I am an average writer. That is okay with me as well. I think most things are okay with me, but sometimes I wonder if that is a problem. To be okay and accepting of everything (or almost everything)- does this mean that I don't have standards which I use as a yardstick against which to measure my experiences? Nay, I don't think that is the case for me. I think that I am a hopeless optimist- I always think that people can and will do better, but I wonder why I have this trait. Perhaps it is because I can cling to that great Hope that springs eternal in my breast.

I have noticed that I tend to go off-topic, a lot-I wonder why this is the case. Like right now I want to start talking about how I love French films with smoky gray backgrounds and flashes of bold bright colors (like a red balloon tantalizing a young boy in Paris). Is this important to you, the reader? Perhaps, but most likely not. However, it is important for me, the writer. In my writing, I am opening up a part of myself to you, the reader. It is up to you to decide what you will do with my words- savor them and swallow them slowly like a good piece of chocolate, or throw them into the wind like a milkweed sheds its pods in a strong tuft, or chew them like a good piece of porterhouse steak. Hmmh, the relationship between a writer and his reader is a complex relationship for the writer may write for a specific person, or he may be speaking to a wider audience, but it is not entirely explicit whether his target audience is receiving or even comprehending his words.

Imagine a new format of writing, in which the writer and the reader can communicate intimately, or in which the reader can connect with the writer and understand more about the writer, or in which the writer can understand more about his reader. I would like to write something different, something concerning the relationship between the writer, his reader, and the actual words that exchange between the two. Perhaps I could explore the concept of what happens to a writer's words when they are read by someone other than the writer's intended audience- the positive and negative impact that such an incident could cause. Some cultures believe that photographs of people contain a piece of the subject's soul in them. Imagine if this were the case for books and other print media (including text on the Internet). I'd like to write something that contained elements of Shadow of the Wind by Zafon and Raw Shark Texts by Hall. Something that explored the abstract and rarely-thought-of.

Imagine a book that would take you places, literally. It would lead you to physical places in different locations, and in order to fully comprehend the nature of the writer's words, you had to travel to those places to piece the puzzle together. Imagine being forced to develop relationships with people and places in order to understand the soul of a book. Imagine something different from your usual reading experience- something truly interactive. Sounds exciting, but scaring at the same time. I wonder if I wrote such a book, if people would read it and/or do what I ask them to do in the book.... I should try to work on something in this manner. I don't know what I would call it, but I will go ahead and call it The Breadmaker's Lantern for now....Here goes...