Chloe...

Today I went to Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena (an amazing place if you haven't been there yet) and I looked for a journal that had a cover that I fell in love with when I went to Vroman's last Sunday. It had a cover of a bunch of birds in flight and something else and a quote on it that just made me dream and wonder... It actually inspired me to want to write, so I went back today to Vroman's to see what the quote was. I actually want to buy the journal which is only like six bucks but we're struggling financially right now, so the quote will do for now :o)

Here's the quote: "She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered around her, writing "yes" in the sky."

For some reason, when I saw that quote, I just cannot help but want to write about who "she" is and what she's all about... Here's my attempt (the first of many, I'm sure) as of ten minutes ago...

She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered around her, writing "yes" in the sky. Hesitating then no longer, Chloe raised her arms high above her and slowly brought them down to her side, dreaming of blue skies and poetry. Soft melodies drifted through her opened mind, captivating her inner child and enabling herself to truly be free. It was at that very moment that she jumped, not like one with the desire to die but like one without a worry in the world, her heart light and painfully beautiful. Tears escaped her eyes, bringing her closer to herself, bringing with them a release that can only be felt after completely emptying oneself.

Chloe was her name, she knew that much. Even that could change, she told herself, but yet she knew that she would always be Chloe, no matter what anybody else called her, or what she called herself- she was, is and always would be Chloe.

Good night! Here I am, again. Sitting, reflecting, pondering the meaning of life... Well, no, not really. I do know that life is worth living and it holds much meaning for each of us, for one reason or another. But that's not what I really want to talk about anyway... To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I want to talk about- hehe. Every now and then, I am filled with the urge to start writing, or start typing or start expressing myself. The only problem is that I'm never quite sure which way is the best way to express myself. I have envisioned myself wearing the clothes, shoes and mannerisms of a diverse pool of artisans. I envision myself wearing the soft cotton khaki pants and tucked in collared linen shirt of a writer, sleeves rolled up and good, solid glasses atop the bridge of my nose. I envision myself wearing the tight blue or smoky gray jeans, a pair of Converses, and a witty T-shirt (or plain white) of a musician. Imagine myself wearing the long-sleeved flannel shirt and loose blue jeans of a person who manipulates red earth into art. There are many, many forms of art and the people that produce them are just as diverse as the forms of art that there are. Do I want to be a painter? A photographer? A designer of clothes? A graphic designer? A gardener? A culinary spectaculare? A maestro? A woodworker? A poet? I mean, there are a million different ways of expressing oneself, and I don't know which one it is, or what I could do...

Naturally, I turn to writing every now and then, perhaps because I always envisioned myself as a writer. But when I dig to the root of the reason why I have always envisioned myself as a writer, I realize that it is because I have always been a lover of words, written and not, and the worlds that they open one up to. Language is beautiful to me because of its ability to express just about everything and anything. It is a living and breathing art that also functions as essential communication between living, breathing souls. Language separates us from the beasts, and it allows us to cry out to the heavens. It allows us to grieve, to laugh, to scream in utter joy. It allows us to express anger, and to condolences to a friend. Language, words, everything is an essential part of the human experience.

::sigh:: Sometimes I like to think that I could become a great writer, other times I think I'm just fooling myself. But I am okay with either answer. Perhaps, I am an average writer. That is okay with me as well. I think most things are okay with me, but sometimes I wonder if that is a problem. To be okay and accepting of everything (or almost everything)- does this mean that I don't have standards which I use as a yardstick against which to measure my experiences? Nay, I don't think that is the case for me. I think that I am a hopeless optimist- I always think that people can and will do better, but I wonder why I have this trait. Perhaps it is because I can cling to that great Hope that springs eternal in my breast.

I have noticed that I tend to go off-topic, a lot-I wonder why this is the case. Like right now I want to start talking about how I love French films with smoky gray backgrounds and flashes of bold bright colors (like a red balloon tantalizing a young boy in Paris). Is this important to you, the reader? Perhaps, but most likely not. However, it is important for me, the writer. In my writing, I am opening up a part of myself to you, the reader. It is up to you to decide what you will do with my words- savor them and swallow them slowly like a good piece of chocolate, or throw them into the wind like a milkweed sheds its pods in a strong tuft, or chew them like a good piece of porterhouse steak. Hmmh, the relationship between a writer and his reader is a complex relationship for the writer may write for a specific person, or he may be speaking to a wider audience, but it is not entirely explicit whether his target audience is receiving or even comprehending his words.

Imagine a new format of writing, in which the writer and the reader can communicate intimately, or in which the reader can connect with the writer and understand more about the writer, or in which the writer can understand more about his reader. I would like to write something different, something concerning the relationship between the writer, his reader, and the actual words that exchange between the two. Perhaps I could explore the concept of what happens to a writer's words when they are read by someone other than the writer's intended audience- the positive and negative impact that such an incident could cause. Some cultures believe that photographs of people contain a piece of the subject's soul in them. Imagine if this were the case for books and other print media (including text on the Internet). I'd like to write something that contained elements of Shadow of the Wind by Zafon and Raw Shark Texts by Hall. Something that explored the abstract and rarely-thought-of.

Imagine a book that would take you places, literally. It would lead you to physical places in different locations, and in order to fully comprehend the nature of the writer's words, you had to travel to those places to piece the puzzle together. Imagine being forced to develop relationships with people and places in order to understand the soul of a book. Imagine something different from your usual reading experience- something truly interactive. Sounds exciting, but scaring at the same time. I wonder if I wrote such a book, if people would read it and/or do what I ask them to do in the book.... I should try to work on something in this manner. I don't know what I would call it, but I will go ahead and call it The Breadmaker's Lantern for now....Here goes...

Re: Predictable...

Predictable... I'm so predictable! :o) I told ya'll that I'd start writing in my blog every week on Mondays... I didn't even do that! :o/ But I will try to get better with this... Perhaps I'll do it with the iPad when I buy one... If I buy one... If I can convince Laura to let me get one... :o)

Craziness- only 7 more weeks until Dylan James is here!!! I can't believe it!!! I'll be the proud papa of a bouncing baby boy, for better or worse :o)

Well, I'm gonna go for now- got lots to do but I'm glad it's Thursday- just a few more hours of work then I'm freeeeeeee for the weekend (+ most of next week for Spring Break too!!!).

Ciao for now

S.

Re: Writing Down the Bones

For a long time, I've been telling myself that I'll write a book someday... That I'll write an excellent story or an autobiography... I used to be a good writer, but then I stopped writing... The longer it's been, the harder it is to get back into the action of writing. A few weeks ago, I was browsing through books at Barnes and Noble and I saw this book by Natalie Goldberg called Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within. I don't know what drew me to pick it up, but when I started reading the preface and the introduction, I felt compelled to buy it. I bought it with the goal of writing in it everyday, and of course I told myself that I'd do it tomorrow... Tomorrow came and went its came (insert ode to e.e. cummings). Nothing more transpired from the incident of my purchase of Goldberg's book, until I decided just now to at least write about getting the book. Ideally, it would be nice to write/respond to each of Goldberg's chapters at least once a week. There are approximately 64 chapters, so that would be 64 weeks. That's just shy of a year and 3 months... That's quite a long time... I'm inspired by the goal and accomplishment reached by Julia Powell, the author of Julie & Julia, who dedicated herself to making each of Julia Child's dishes in her famous Mastering the Art of French Cooking book.

I think I will adopt Powell's approach and apply this to my goal of writing, using Goldberg's book as a guide. I WILL write at least once a week, ideally on Mondays or Fridays, be it a line, paragraph, short story or the great American novel :o) Sometimes I will quickwrite and my ramblings will make no sense, other times I will ponder, write, ponder again, re-write, ponder once more, make necessary edits, then post for all the worlds' eyes to see. But first I will share a little bit about myself using the survey format that's usually prevalent on MySpace or Facebook :o) I'll post that as a separate blog.

Here goes! :o)

--Sandon
(Should I sign my blogs, or just leave them be? Oy ve... Decisions, decisions, decisions...

re: Danny's Song by Kenny Loggins

Laura just IM'd me and told me to check out the lyrics for Kenny Loggins' song, "Danny's Song." I just love it, especially the first stanza... :o) Check it out!!! Can't wait for Dylan James!!!

Danny's Song

People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one,

And we've only just begun.

Think I'm gonna have a son.

He will be like she and me, as free as a dove,

Conceived in love.

Sun is gonna shine above.

And even though we ain't got money,

I'm so in love with you, honey,

And everything will bring a chain of love.

And in the morning, when I rise,

You bring a tear of joy to my eyes

And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

Seems as though, a month ago, I was Beta-Chi,

Never got high.

Oh, I was a sorry guy.

And now, I smile and face the girl that shares my name.

Now I'm through with the game.

This boy will never be the same.

And even though we ain't got money,

I'm so in love with you, honey,

And everything will bring a chain of love.

And in the morning, when I rise,

You bring a tear of joy to my eyes

And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

Pisces, Virgo rising is a very good sign,

Strong and kind,

And the little boy is mine.

Now I see a family where the once was none.

Now we've just begun.

Yeah, we're gonna fly to the sun.

And even though we ain't got money,

I'm so in love with you, honey,

And everything will bring a chain of love.

And in the morning, when I rise,

You bring a tear of joy to my eyes

And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup.

Drink it up.

Love her and she'll bring you luck.

And if you find she helps your mind, better take her home.

Don't you live alone.

Try to earn what lovers own.

And even though we ain't got money,

I'm so in love with you, honey,

And everything will bring a chain of love.

And in the morning, when I rise,

You bring a tear of joy to my eyes

And tell me everything is gonna be alright.